I love everything that comes with a turning of a new calendar year. We often start off with party poppers and silly hats, our favorite music, kissing those you love and friends gathered close, goals we have for ourselves- things we wish to accomplish, and an optimistic outlook at the blank canvas laid before us that we have the privilege of painting the artwork of our own individual lives on.
I think that's why I get irritated at people genuinely believing the whole "New year, same old stuff*" or "I'm not going to set goals because I know I'm not going to achieve them." ideology. Both ways of thinking enable one of two lines of thinking: the first being that of laziness and the second being that of fear- neither of which I am comfortable operating under.
I want to live a life of constant resolution. One where I am never comfortable being right where I am, rather becoming comfortable in the discomfort as a motivator to be a better me. Not allowing laziness or fear to rob me of my intentionality. One where I am seeking peace and resolution in world that gets their high from shouting their opinion so loud that reason is silenced.
I do not agree to disagree. Nor will I ever. Instead, I will agree to come to, not a compromise as I will not forfeit nonnegotiables, but a resolution to adversity that I'm faced with. Whether that be spiritual, mental, emotional, intellectual, or physical battles, I will push. I will fight. I will crawl to the Thrown Room at the feet of Jesus in pursuit of resolution, peace, and truth.
As 2020 kicked off, our world has been through the thick of it in just under the course of a 3 month period. The entire continent of Australia consumed by flames, Mexico's cartel landscape reshaping after huge influx of violence, continued tension and rising talk of war in the Middle East, reelection season in the United States, and the COVOID-19 outbreak that brings it's own challenges involving both physical and mental health as well as the global economy.
The start of this year has personally been an all time low for me. Don't get me wrong, I have maintained my Joy, but I've not necessarily been happy. Work is no longer a place where I am happy, but I recognize that it is my job and I have to go and I have to get work done. I keep my head down and opinions to myself, no matter how beneficial they may be, as to not disrupt the so-called-peace. My house is sometimes a place where I am not happy. As I've been on my own for summers and summers at Whitehall Camp and on my own in NYC, it's a challenge to be back under the instruction of another adult(s). Church is a place where I often am not happy about being. The idea of not being able to worship freely or share personal insight or testimony, has really rocked my world.
But here I sit, in the comfort of my own space- while the other three adults of this house are working- sipping on a cuppa at 3:20 in the afternoon, thanking and praising the Lord for his faithfulness and sovereignty. Even amid the despair, I am working toward resolution, peace, and joy.
(Click on the images to read about them ie; things that have brought me Joy in 2020)
I am continuing to work at the little goals that I've set for myself so as to have some type of progress even when I don't fell like it or I'm lacking the motivation. I am continuing to do the things that do bring me joy- complete and unwavering joy. Working at things like reaching my daily water intake goal, being creative and expressive through visual and verbal art, being in the word daily, reading recreationally, maintaining the relationships that are important to me, keeping up with my personal hygiene, and ultimately putting my trust in Jesus.
Nothing has changed. I am still trusting. I am still seeking. I'm still pushing forward in order to make it out of my own personal darkness. I am fighting to keep my Joy. I encourage you to do the same.
I love you all and thank you for taking the time to read this entry. I hope and pray it was encouraging as do I hope you decide to check in with more entries to follow. My the Lord Bless you and everything you put your hands to.
A fellow Peacemaker (9),
Rachel
And shout out to my best friend, Anastasia. I don't know if I'd be okay without you.
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